[author: Misty McGlothern - Paralegal]
I recently came across a blog titled, “50/50 Isn’t Lucky” in which a mother shares her feelings and perspective on her equal timesharing arrangement. The author of this post is clearly grieving while her children are exercising timesharing with their father. This mother writes about how her married friends think she is “lucky” to have so much free time while her children are with their father. Yet the reality is, the author does not think she is lucky at all. This mother spends fifty percent of her time missing her children, wishing they would come home to her every night so she could hear about their day, cook for them and tuck them to bed each night – all the things she was able to do on a regular basis prior to her divorce.
Many parents experience this sadness and grief following divorce. The extra “free time” isn’t always as exciting as it sounds. Often parents experience an intense sense of emptiness when their children are with their other parent. These parents have to learn how to adjust to going home to an empty, quiet house at night.
As described in the article, having an equal timesharing arrangement means your children have two homes; mom’s home, and dad’s home. Which do the children call “home?” It can be difficult as a parent to feel as though the home you provide for your children isn’t their “primary” home.
It can be quite an adjustment for all involved when transitioning from an intact family unit to a divorced family sharing separate time with each other. There is nothing wrong with missing your children while they are with their other parent. There is also nothing wrong with trying to make the best of your situation. As sad as it is, divorce happens. If it has happened to you, it may be time to create and embrace a new normal for your family. My advice for those lonely nights and weekends is to take time to reconnect with who you are as an individual. Make plans with yourself. Keep doing all the things you used to do while juggling your kids. Make it a point to run your errands and book your personal appointments during those kid-free nights or weekends. While the little ones are with their mother or father, as the case may be, go see that movie you’ve wanted to see but can’t bring the kids to. Schedule a night out or happy hour with friends. Take a new class or go to the gym. Do something you enjoy. Try new things you haven’t had the opportunity to do. Learn something new about yourself. As parents, we often forget that we are also individuals. There is no need to be obligated to feel like the time you have away from your children should be devoted to anyone else but you. Embrace your individuality and, in doing so, you may find that you have made yourself a better person and, in turn, can maximize the quality of life for your children when they are with you.
Lastly, remember there was a reason for your divorce. Your ex might not be your favorite person. As a result, it may be extremely difficult to see anything positive about your spouse having equal time with your children under the circumstances. As difficult as it is, remember your children have a right to a loving relationship with both of their parents. Always remember that your children were not privy to the reasons behind the divorce. They love both parents unconditionally and have a right to a full and loving relationship with both of their parents. As much as you miss them when they are away, take comfort in knowing how lucky your children are to have two parents who love them so much they both want equal time with them. Of course, every situation is different. It can be difficult for children to adjust to having two homes. However, considering the alternative of one absent parent, I think in many instances, children who have equal timesharing schedules with both of their parents are the lucky ones.
To read the blog “50/50 Isn’t Lucky”, click HERE.
