When ending a relationship, whether it’s through divorce, separation or breaking up, it may be appealing to completely cut off communication. However, if you share a child, you will need to be in each other’s lives for at least 18 years, if not longer. Like all relationships, communication remains the foundation for successful co-parenting. To build a successful foundation, you and your co-parent must put any personal issues aside to continue making decisions together that ensure your child is healthy, happy and secure. Unfortunately, this is much easier said than done, as any co-parenting relationship will experience some growing pains before finding your rhythm.
What effective communication between you and your co-parent looks like is personal to both of you. However, bad communication often looks like:
- Making unilateral decisions about major choices in your child’s life, such as school choice and extracurricular activities, medical procedures (e.g. braces or surgery) and religious upbringing.
- Ignoring messages entirely or for long period of time.
- Sending messages that include insults, profanity or disparaging language.
- Criticizing the parenting style or choices of your co-parent.
- Excessive messaging or messages sent at inappropriate times that do not involve an emergency (e.g. asking about your child’s backpack at 3AM).
You must be especially careful regarding excessive or inappropriate messaging, as this conduct may result in the entry of a domestic violence restraining order being entered against you. In a recent unpublished decision, L.R. v. D.P. (Warren County and statewide) , the Appellate Division affirmed the entry of a final restraining order (“FRO”) against the defendant-father for harassing his co-parent. In this case, the mother sought and was granted a temporary restraining order (TRO) against the father of her child. The parties had previously been in a dating relationship for two years. There were two previous acts of domestic violence during their relationship when they were living together in Maine. The mother ended the relationship and relocated to New Jersey.
Following her relocation, the mother obtained a previous TRO and FRO against the father, but the order was dissolved in 2021. The mother then sought two more TROs against the father for sending text messages to her. However, her TRO was denied because the court deemed the messages as non-threatening.
The mother then sought a fourth TRO, which proceeded to a final hearing. The court granted the mother an FRO based on the mother’s allegation of harassment under N.J.S.A. 2C:33-4(a) and (c). The court found that the father had committed harassment when, on three separate occasions, he sent her multiple text messages regarding their child. On the first occasion, during a text message exchange, the father texted the mother that he would have her arrested for parental interference and contempt of a court order. On the second occasion, the father continued to text the mother about parenting time, ignored her repeated requests to only communicate through counsel and then the father sent the police to her home for a welfare check at 9:30PM. On the third occasion, the father texted the mother incessantly for twelve days and sent over 71 text messages during that time frame. The trial court found that the father’s repeated texting to the mother fell within the definition of harassment under N.J.S.A. 2C:33-4(a) and (c) because the frequency and nature of the contact could only be for the purpose of alarming or harassing the mother.
Navigating communications with your co-parent can at times be tricky and you may be faced with a number of situations that may be blown out of proportion. Figuring out your rhythm and the method of communication –whether it’s direct communication or through a co-parenting app — can be simplified with an attorney’s help. An experienced family law attorney can help you understand how to resolve miscommunications with your co-parent.
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