Preparing a parent for a nursing home

by Adler Pollock & Sheehan P.C.
Contact

Adler Pollock & Sheehan P.C.

Is your elderly parent or other relative who lives alone experiencing difficulty with daily living activities? Although moving a loved one to a nursing home might be the best option for all concerned, the move may be challenged by the senior citizen, much to the adult children’s chagrin. In some cases, a squabble can evolve into a full-fledged family feud where siblings stop talking to one another or a parent disowns his or her offspring.

But you may be able to head off potential problems through advance planning and by adopting a sensible approach.

Taking the correct steps

Before sitting down with your loved one to discuss a move, make sure you have all the information needed to present viable alternatives. For instance, if you live far from a parent and will be proposing a move to a nursing home closer to you, be prepared to compare facilities in your parent’s area as well as your own.

Take the temperature of other family members, such as your siblings. Will they be on board with a decision to move your parent to a nursing home? If not, try to iron out your differences before you meet with your parent. Also, see if it’s viable for one sibling to assume oversight of the parent (such as the one living closest to the nursing home) or whether responsibilities will be divided.

Talk directly to your parent, but gently. Be reasonable and sensitive about the way you present the option of moving to a nursing home. Consider whether the meeting with your parent should be on a one-on-one basis or if it’s better to include other family members. Be careful: You don’t want your loved one to feel ganged up on. At the very least, designate a spokesperson — someone who’s usually not confrontational — to initiate and lead the discussion.

Acknowledge your parent’s feelings. Regardless of the way things turn out, it’s important to make it clear that you understand your parent’s point of view. Don’t simply dismiss their misgivings about leaving their current home. Show some compassion for what they are going through.

Remain resolute. Despite these allowances, you must stand firm if a loved one can no longer care for him- or herself. Continue to acknowledge their concerns, but keep the process moving forward in a sensible timeframe. Although you may be accused of “sounding like a broken record,” reiterate the dangers your parent faces if he or she doesn’t obtain the necessary assistance. 

Avoiding mistakes

Conversely, avoid making common mistakes committed by people in similar situations. Don’t try to exert a level of control that makes the family dynamic seem more like a dictatorship than a democracy. Don’t take away your parent’s dignity. And don’t take their anger personally; you’re someone they can vent to, especially if you’re the one delivering the message.

Talk to the experts

Finally, don’t try to do it all on your own. Take advantage of experts in the field, including health care personnel, to guide you, as well as relying on professionals to help with financial issues. With a group effort, there’s a better chance things will go smoothly.

Sidebar: Nursing home costs

Inevitably, one of the first questions that arises when contemplating a nursing home move is, “What’s it going to cost?” As you might imagine, a nursing home stay doesn’t come cheap, but the actual out-of-pocket expense will vary, depending on several variables.

According to PayingforSeniorCare.com, the national daily average for nursing home care for a shared room in 2017 was $235, but there was a wide disparity among geographic regions. In the Southeast and Midwest, the daily average was closer to $165, while the Northeast cost was pricier, about $350 a day.

Other factors come into play, such as whether the resident has Alzheimer’s or some other debilitating illness. Make sure you read all the fine print. Your advisor can help you compare the costs before it’s time for a final decision. 

DISCLAIMER: Because of the generality of this update, the information provided herein may not be applicable in all situations and should not be acted upon without specific legal advice based on particular situations.

© Adler Pollock & Sheehan P.C. | Attorney Advertising

Written by:

Adler Pollock & Sheehan P.C.
Contact
more
less

Adler Pollock & Sheehan P.C. on:

Readers' Choice 2017
Reporters on Deadline

"My best business intelligence, in one easy email…"

Your first step to building a free, personalized, morning email brief covering pertinent authors and topics on JD Supra:
Sign up using*

Already signed up? Log in here

*By using the service, you signify your acceptance of JD Supra's Privacy Policy.
Custom Email Digest
Privacy Policy (Updated: October 8, 2015):
hide

JD Supra provides users with access to its legal industry publishing services (the "Service") through its website (the "Website") as well as through other sources. Our policies with regard to data collection and use of personal information of users of the Service, regardless of the manner in which users access the Service, and visitors to the Website are set forth in this statement ("Policy"). By using the Service, you signify your acceptance of this Policy.

Information Collection and Use by JD Supra

JD Supra collects users' names, companies, titles, e-mail address and industry. JD Supra also tracks the pages that users visit, logs IP addresses and aggregates non-personally identifiable user data and browser type. This data is gathered using cookies and other technologies.

The information and data collected is used to authenticate users and to send notifications relating to the Service, including email alerts to which users have subscribed; to manage the Service and Website, to improve the Service and to customize the user's experience. This information is also provided to the authors of the content to give them insight into their readership and help them to improve their content, so that it is most useful for our users.

JD Supra does not sell, rent or otherwise provide your details to third parties, other than to the authors of the content on JD Supra.

If you prefer not to enable cookies, you may change your browser settings to disable cookies; however, please note that rejecting cookies while visiting the Website may result in certain parts of the Website not operating correctly or as efficiently as if cookies were allowed.

Email Choice/Opt-out

Users who opt in to receive emails may choose to no longer receive e-mail updates and newsletters by selecting the "opt-out of future email" option in the email they receive from JD Supra or in their JD Supra account management screen.

Security

JD Supra takes reasonable precautions to insure that user information is kept private. We restrict access to user information to those individuals who reasonably need access to perform their job functions, such as our third party email service, customer service personnel and technical staff. However, please note that no method of transmitting or storing data is completely secure and we cannot guarantee the security of user information. Unauthorized entry or use, hardware or software failure, and other factors may compromise the security of user information at any time.

If you have reason to believe that your interaction with us is no longer secure, you must immediately notify us of the problem by contacting us at info@jdsupra.com. In the unlikely event that we believe that the security of your user information in our possession or control may have been compromised, we may seek to notify you of that development and, if so, will endeavor to do so as promptly as practicable under the circumstances.

Sharing and Disclosure of Information JD Supra Collects

Except as otherwise described in this privacy statement, JD Supra will not disclose personal information to any third party unless we believe that disclosure is necessary to: (1) comply with applicable laws; (2) respond to governmental inquiries or requests; (3) comply with valid legal process; (4) protect the rights, privacy, safety or property of JD Supra, users of the Service, Website visitors or the public; (5) permit us to pursue available remedies or limit the damages that we may sustain; and (6) enforce our Terms & Conditions of Use.

In the event there is a change in the corporate structure of JD Supra such as, but not limited to, merger, consolidation, sale, liquidation or transfer of substantial assets, JD Supra may, in its sole discretion, transfer, sell or assign information collected on and through the Service to one or more affiliated or unaffiliated third parties.

Links to Other Websites

This Website and the Service may contain links to other websites. The operator of such other websites may collect information about you, including through cookies or other technologies. If you are using the Service through the Website and link to another site, you will leave the Website and this Policy will not apply to your use of and activity on those other sites. We encourage you to read the legal notices posted on those sites, including their privacy policies. We shall have no responsibility or liability for your visitation to, and the data collection and use practices of, such other sites. This Policy applies solely to the information collected in connection with your use of this Website and does not apply to any practices conducted offline or in connection with any other websites.

Changes in Our Privacy Policy

We reserve the right to change this Policy at any time. Please refer to the date at the top of this page to determine when this Policy was last revised. Any changes to our privacy policy will become effective upon posting of the revised policy on the Website. By continuing to use the Service or Website following such changes, you will be deemed to have agreed to such changes. If you do not agree with the terms of this Policy, as it may be amended from time to time, in whole or part, please do not continue using the Service or the Website.

Contacting JD Supra

If you have any questions about this privacy statement, the practices of this site, your dealings with this Web site, or if you would like to change any of the information you have provided to us, please contact us at: info@jdsupra.com.

- hide
*With LinkedIn, you don't need to create a separate login to manage your free JD Supra account, and we can make suggestions based on your needs and interests. We will not post anything on LinkedIn in your name. Or, sign up using your email address.