Oh, Theranos.  2016’s not really your year, is it?  Word emerged yesterday that the DOJ and SEC are joining health officials in taking a closer look at the blood-testing company, though details of their investigation are scant – NYTimes and WSJ and Law360

So much for sweating Doha. The Dow just burst the 18,000 bubble again – WSJ

General Mills.  7 Eleven. Campbell’s Soup.  Not exactly the names you’d expect to be on the cutting edge of start-ups.  But, as it turns out, these and other old guard companies are increasingly joining the crowd of tech companies to “create venture capital funds.”  They’re even being blamed for “driving up valuations” in the hunt for the elusive Silicon Valley unicorn – NYTimes

Anheuser-Busch InBev has accepted Asahi’s offer to buy Peroni and Grolsch for roughly $2.9 billion—all part of ABInBev’s planned shedding to ease regulator concerns ahead of a potential deal with SABMiller – NYTimes and WSJ

Dealbook’s White Collar Watch drops some Cartesianism on us as an introduction to its deeper dive on the recent 7th Circuit opinion overturning the conviction of former Anchor Bank vice president convicted of wire fraud “for his role in the sale of the bank’s share of a commercial real estate development in Texas in which he took a minority position in the deal along with the buyers.” The VP actually misled both sides of the deal about his role, but in reversing his conviction, the 7th Circuit found that “deceptions” in the course of negotiations “are not criminal”—a weighty conclusion, for sure – NYTimes

Morgan Stanley became the latest big bank to exceed analysts’ expectations [actually, Goldman is the very latest.  But don’t worry—same story]. But those expectations were low.  Really low. So no one’s popping any champagne just now – WSJ

Probably for the best, too, since so many of them are on the wrong end of a new antitrust lawsuit filed in NY federal court yesterday that accuses them of “colluding to prevent customers from trading interest rate swaps on an independent electronic trading platform” – Law360

We last left Don Draper doing yoga and imagining the kind of world that Coke would like to teach to sing.  So what kind of magic could he conjure up in a room full of beer pong and beanbag chairs – NYTimes

There’s a pretty simple message here. It literally doesn’t matter if you’re George Lucas himself.  Do not mess with Star Wars and its fans.  Seriously.  Hands off – WSJ