In poetry, because we are classy here.

Sweet Deal: a haiku
(Roseanne Barr)
I felt sorry for the cast
But not any more.
$4.5 mil for nothing!

"Things could be worse!"

Presumption of Innocence
(Grand jury indicts Harvey Weinstein for rape)
"Indicted" isn't "guilty," that is true,
And maybe he's a victim of #MeToo,
But his attorney must be feeling tense
If "casting couch" is Harvey's best defense.

"Hey, other people have used the casting couch!"
"If your friends all jumped in the lake in January, would you do it, too?"

Technicalities
(Gov. Eric Greitens of Missouri resigns)
For want of a photo, the scandal was lost.
For want of a scandal, they got him on a campaign finance violation.

"Pee-yew!"

Boss of the year
(Supervisor at car dealership allegedly harassed employee by, among other things, going into his office and breaking wind, and laughing while he was "forced to breathe soiled air" -- hat tip to my law partner Jon Yarbrough, who sent me this one)
An ill wind that bloweth no one any good,
Brett took the old "dutch oven" while he could,
But when he'd had enough, he told HR,
"I'm too stressed out to even sell a car!"
Although HR was "wrapped around his finger,"
They told the boss, "You're fired, and don't you linger."
And yet the fired boss lingered, and he taunted
Poor Brett, while the car dealership he haunted.
Our Brett was at a loss for what to do,
Until the obvious came into view,
"Eureka! I have found it! I will sue!" 

"Of course you will!"

Image Credits: Harvey Weinstein by David Shankbone, kid holding nose by mmntz, both from flickr, Creative Commons license. Picture of Roseanne cast from Roseanne Barr's Twitter page. "Better Call Saul" in public domain.