Today’s broadcast on National Public Radio’s program “1A” featured three scholars in an informal chat about how marriage has evolved in the past 40 years. 1A is a loosely formatted call-in show hosted by Jen White. So this is not an academic deep-dive but the truth is that what we want or expect from marriage has evolved immensely since no-fault was first adopted in 1969 by conservative California Governor Ronald Reagan.

The discussion takes in evolving views of education, money, social status and how they color when or if to marry. Rabbi Roni Handler offers the perspective of a lesbian who struggled with her family’s hopes and expectations about who she would marry. The discussion also touches upon open marriages and long distance marriages.

There is little question that all of these challenging topics are appearing in the family lawyer’s door. Alas, the law is not evolving quickly. What this means for the prospective client is that he or she needs to “check in” with someone who can try to assess where a relationship stands from a legal perspective. And it may mean you come away with a recommendation that you and your spouse or significant other put in writing what your expectations are. We note that one of the most frequent and irksome questions posed to lawyers is: “Am I separated?” Are you separated if you live in separate houses; separate states; separate continents? Are you in an intact marriage if it is an “open marriage” and what does “open” mean? We have seen cases where one spouse professes that she is in an intact marriage while the other claims separation more than a decade ago. Needless to say, financial expectations often drive these conflicting perspectives and unless someone gets it in writing, you can expect to endure and pay for days of testimony about who travelled where, slept with whom, and who paid for it with what money.

So, here it is, ready for your consumption and analysis:

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