Many in divorce and family courts believe that birds of a feather fly together. Another common phrase is that tens do not pick ones. Simply put, the thought is that most litigants are likely very much alike when there is divorce or family law litigation.
Thus, if one party behaves erratically or irrationally, some assume the other party is likely equally erratic or irrational. Some conclude that the other party is probably the same if the other party makes questionable decisions or is unusually difficult. Fair or not, the common thought is that the parties picked each other to have kids or get married. Thus, many think: “How different can they be?”
Do Birds of A Feather Always Fly Together?
Is it accurate for family law judges and attorneys to assume that birds of a feather always fly together? The answer to this question is complex, nuanced, and unique to each case. However, it is often not true.
Sometimes, two parties who got married or had kids together may be very similar. Surely, commonality can often be a basis for a relationship, the birth of children, and marriage. Perhaps it is more likely in long-term relationships before marriage or children’s birth where the parties were together for a long time.
However, in many cases, opposites attract. Sometimes, parties get married or have children quickly. It could be a situation of whirlwind romance. Children can also often be born from short relationships or one-night stands. In situations like this, the parties might be very different.
In other circumstances, parties can change. One party might be in a different place today than they were at the time of the marriage or the birth of a child. Take situations where one party is going through a mid-life crisis, has declining mental or physical health, or is changing life goals. Yet, consider scenarios where the other person is the same today as they were at the time of the marriage or birth of the children.
What If You Are A Different Kind of Bird Than The Other Party?
For some going through a divorce or family law matter, the idea that birds of a feather fly together can be incredibly frustrating. Perhaps they do not feel like they are much like the other party. Maybe they want to get along with the other party and move on with their lives. Perhaps they are not interested in disputes or squabbles with the other party, but they had kids or married somebody they didn’t know well or who has changed.
It is difficult if a party feels they may be unfairly lumped in with the opposing party in the family court. Being lumped in with the other party can often be the scenario out of the gates. When this occurs, there are not necessarily easy or quick fixes.
However, a party in this situation needs to be patient, calm, and level-headed in everything they do or say, hoping the family court or guardian ad litem eventually sees it. Seeing a counselor, not engaging in needless squabbles, being careful with anything in writing, and focusing on the children’s best interests is also vital.
It is also critical for a party to carefully select the lawyer representing them in their divorce or family law case. Parties dealing with a very different opposing party must have a lawyer who believes in them and who can explain to the family court that their client is a different kind of bird. Finding that attorney might mean meeting multiple lawyers before settling on one to ensure the lawyer fully believes in them.
