Happy Ides of March to all who celebrate—apologies to Julius Caesar who was famously assassinated for his tyranny over the Roman Empire in dictating that people’s salads be topped with anchovies (…or something like that). I would also be remiss if I did not wish my readers Ramadan Kareem. For those looking to raise a pint (or five) this weekend, may you have a Happy, sham-rockin’ St. Patrick’s Day and end the day more clothed than John Cena at the Oscars (we can see you, John) and less shame than Jonathan Glazer at the Oscars (we refute you, Jonathan). And for the mathletes out there—a belated Happy π (3.14) Day! Unlike π, I will not keep going on and on but will instead wrap with this:  

• French footballer Kylian Mbappé is threatening legal action against a French kebab vendor, taking issue with an unauthorized use of his name in the description of a menu item that is made with “baker round bread, as round as Mbappé's skull.” Meanwhile, I take issue with the lack of creativity – how about “bread so fresh it will make Kylian introduce himself as “Mmmmkebabappé?”
• This past week, Senator Ted Cruz oversaw a panel on the issues in college athletics that proposed legislation seeks to address by providing antitrust protection and regulation to the multibillion dollar industry. Cruz put the chances of legislation passing at a 50-50 shot—which is not all that different from saying that whoever scores the most points in a football game will win.
• Wrexham AFC owners (along with a whole host of other titles) Rob McElhenney and Ryan Reynolds announce that Ally Bank is sponsoring its stateside summer tour, by way of a commercial produced by an arm of McElhenney’s newly formed, multifaceted company, “More Better Industries.” Now that’s setting the bar high for ambition and low for grammar!